


Its You

by Veeebles



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Clay is oblivious, Clay needs a hug, First Kiss, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Mentions of Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony has a crush on Clay, but seriously Clay needs to be nicer to himself, fluff at the end, hes a good egg, might develop, the cliff scene, tony is happy to volunteer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 10:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14747382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veeebles/pseuds/Veeebles
Summary: “Clay I think you got to get back from that edge”He scoffed, turning to face him, his shoulders sagged in defeat, his voice full of a tone that chilled Tony’s blood. He was still gesturing about with his hands and Tony felt like he could throw up with how carelessly he dangled to the edge, ready to slip at any second.“Why? Why shouldn’t I just jump? Just let go?”





	Its You

Tony sighed as he took in the view. The city looked so small from up here; just a sea of glittering lights and rushing cars. He liked coming up here, it put a lot of his life into perspective. When things got too much, when he got too caught up in the high school drama despite trying his best not to, he came up here and looked at all the glittering lights and realised how small it all really was. The night was cool and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, scuffing his feet on the gravel beneath his heavy combat boots.

He turned at the sound of his car door being slammed shut and his eyebrows rose in surprise at Clay striding towards him like he had all of hell’s demons on his tail.

“You knew,” he said, pointing accusingly at Tony as he neared, “you knew all along.”

This was not at all how he expected him to react to his tape.

“Knew what? What did I know?”

“That all of this was my fault!”

That surprised Tony. When he had first listened to Clay’s tape, he had been contemplating what this boy could have possibly done to upset Hannah. He was quiet and awkward but Tony had never seen a malicious molecule in his boy. He seemed harmless and when Hannah said his name did not belong on the tapes, Tony had felt a strange amount of relief wash over him. Then, when it was Clay’s turn to listen to the tapes, he had been anxious for Clay to get to his, he wanted his friend to smile a little again, tired of seeing him carry around the weight of guilt for Hannah’s death. He had hoped that hearing his tape would be good for him, let him know that he was not to blame, that he had been that little bit of light in Hannah’s dark days.

Clearly, Clay was reacting the complete opposite.

He was panicking. His eyes were wide and his face was flushed and he was throwing his arms around him as he spoke. Tony had to calm him down, help him understand that he was not to blame for this.

“How did I know that?”

“I just – I just left Hannah, I just left her there and I sh-I should have – she needed me and I walked away”

“You were doing what she told you to do.”

“No! I ran! I was scared, I thought it was something I had done or something I didn’t understand because I’m this fucking loser that doesn’t know anything about girls, or about life, or about anything”

Tony could have laughed, could have screamed at Clay for this. He couldn’t possibly blame himself for this, he was the last person that deserved any kind of blame.

“So all of this is your fault?” he asked incredulously.

Clay looked at him like he was mad, his movements more aggressive, his eyes watering and cheeks flushing, “I left! And I knew I shouldn’t have left and then Bryce raped Jessica -”

Tony ground his teeth, “no.”

“- And Hannah saw it and then Sherri knocked down the stop sign and then Jeff died and it all started with me!”

“Clay-”

But he wasn’t listening anymore. He was walking away, staggering to the edge of the cliff, too close to the edge.

“Clay I think you got to get back from that edge”

He scoffed, turning to face him, his shoulders sagged in defeat, his voice full of a tone that chilled Tony’s blood. He was still gesturing about with his hands and Tony felt like he could throw up with how carelessly he dangled to the edge, ready to slip at any second.

“Why? Why shouldn’t I just jump? Just let go?”

Tony’s heart was thundering in his chest. The instinct to run and grab Clay was unreal but he was terrified to do or say anything that would set the guy off.

“So you could die? Reunite with Hannah forever?”

“Oh fuck you, Tony.”

He turned away again and Tony could have punched himself in the face, he really could, why the fuck did he say that? He was panicking, he didn’t know what to say he just needed Clay to get as far away from the edge as was possible. He needed to reason with him, make him see sense.

“You think you could have changed anything? What does that make you? Huh? God? ”

Clay shook his head, staring down at the ground way, way below him.

“I should have stayed with Hannah.”

“She _told_ you to go.”

“I should have told her, I should have said - ”

“What? You think you could have said something that could have changed any of this?”

He was silent then. Just staring down at the ground.

Tony waited. And waited.

After what seemed like an eternity he took a step forwards. When Clay made no movement he took another, then another, until his fist was curled into the hem of Clay’s hoodie, his hands shaking as he gently pulled him backwards.

Clay stepped back down, letting Tony tug him back until he returned to the road.

Tony turned him round to look up at him. He had his head bowed, tears streaming steadily down his cheeks, his eyes squeezed shut like he was trying to block out all the horrible shit that had been thrown his way within the past few weeks.

“You couldn’t have done anything, Clay. It wasn’t you fault. She told you to go, anyone else would have done what you did. You could never have known that she wanted you to stay – you can’t ever know what is truly going on with someone unless they tell you and she didn’t.”

He didn’t say anything, just listened, but his shoulders stopped shaking as he cried, the tears stopped coming out his eyes. He took a deep breath and kept listening.

“She made you a tape because she wanted you to know how much you meant to her – that’s what you should focus on. You were the only good she had in a sea of shit, you made her happy when she was at her lowest point, and you didn’t even realise you were doing it. That pretty fucking special, Clay.”

Clay raised his head, wiping his face with the sleeves of his hoodie and finally met Tony’s eyes, looking at him with hope, grasping to his words like they were his lifeline. Maybe they even were.

“You were everything she had been looking for. It’s not your fault she didn’t realise it. None of it is your fault. Please don’t ever forget that, Clay.”

The taller boy blew out a breath and wiped his arm over his eyes, nodding and dragging his hands over his face.

Eventually he cleared his throat, gave Tony a small smile.

“Thank you, Tony.”

Tony pulled him close, wrapping him up in his arms and feeling a wash of relief when Clay’s arms came around him, holding on to him like he needed this just as much as Tony did. Tony slipped his fingers through the short hairs at the back of the taller boys head, holding him close, focusing on how he breathed, how he could hear his heart hammering against his chest.  Clay’s face buried into Toys neck, making him shiver and he held him tighter.

Tony’s head was spinning, the adrenaline coursing through his veins, the fear he had felt in that moment had been unlike anything he had ever felt before. The thought of losing Clay – it was something that would have killed him too.

“Don’t – Don’t you dare. Don’t you fucking dare do that again.”

He realised he was crying, his hands that held Clay were trembling, tears running hot down his face, the lump in his throat choking him.

“Tony…”

Tony shook his head, hands fisting in Clay’s hoodie, unwilling to let him go just yet, unwilling to let him out of his arms. Clay fought him, pulling away but still kept Tony close, hands running down his arms to hold his hands.

“Tony, you’re shaking.”

Tony scoffed at that, tilting his head back to look at the starry sky, “Yeah. Well, you fucking terrified me there.”

Clay looked sad, looked really fucking sad.

“I don’t know what I would have done if you had jumped, After Hannah – I, I can’t lose you, Clay. I wasn’t there in time for Hannah and that will haunt me forever but you – if I lost you I might as well be dead too -”

“- No. God, Tony no. I’m sorry – I’m – I’m so sorry…after everything you’ve done -”

Tony held Clay’s face in his hands, forcing the blue eyes to look at him, look right into his eyes, blinking through his tears in the dark at him. His voice was hoarse and he was still crying but he needed to get this out.

“Promise me, Clay, promise me you won't ever do something like that ever again.”

Clay was nodding frantically, hands coming up to cover Tony’s stepping nearer as if saying the words closer would enforce their meaning.

“I’m sorry, Tony I’m sorry, I promise, I’m not going anywhere.”

Tony nodded and before he could even really think about what he was doing, Tony leaned in, pressing his lips so softly against his, so carefully, he could have imagined he felt them at all. The Latino leaned back, big, dark eyes watching him carefully, wary, gauging his reaction.

Clay wasn’t really sure how to react, what to say, he didn’t want to break the silence, didn’t want to end this…whatever it was. He pressed his lips back again, firmer this time, closer, giving a proper kiss.

Tony held him almost gently, but firm. That was what Tony was like; rough around the edges but soft in the middle.

“I’m…I’m sorry I – I wanted to do that for a while. Now was probably not the best moment to do it.”

Clay smiled at him gently and his chest warmed, feeling a little more confident, “its okay, Tony, it felt nice – really nice.”

Tiny smiled, hands rubbing up and down Clay’s back, “nice, good, that’s good.”

Clay laughed, a light, uplifting noise that had Tony grinning back, happy to hear some actual joy coming out of the boy.

“What a night,” Clay said, smiling up at the stars.

“Yeah, we should probably go, I don’t want your Mom killing me for having you out so late.”

Clay scoffed, but he didn’t move, thumbs caressing Tony’s sides where his hands rested.

“Yeah, I should probably get going.”

Tony released him reluctantly, wanting nothing more than to stay in that moment but instead followed Clay back to his car. He leaned forwards to open the passenger side door for the taller boy. Clay smiled at him and went to duck into the car but turned at the last minute.

Next thing Tony knew, Clay had his arms around Tony’s neck, his mouth was against his and he was kissing him – really kissing him.

Tony pulled him close returning the kiss eagerly, reveling in the small sigh Clay made against his lips.

When he pulled away, Clay rested his forehead against his, smiling and laughing softly into the air between their mouths.

“Thank you, Tony, for everything.”

He ducked into the car and Tony shut the door behind him, grinning as he moved around to the driver’s side.

This boy was going to keep him on his toes, but Tony was absolutely okay with that.


End file.
